Journey Into Motherhood

Sorry for disappearing for so long but I am back now…or at least I hope. I thought I would talk about attachment since it is the reason I have been gone for so long. Our attachment is still NOT easy nor is it perfect, but it is so much better than it was. A month and a half later we are all starting to learn how things work, such as my son is a drama queen (he screams for the effect) or should I say king and my daughter will go with the flow as long as she is not overly tired (which she was when we received her, understandably so). We still sleep in our bed - yes all four of us (thank God for king size beds) and I have got to learn to say to those who think we are crazy “well at least we are getting some sleep” because I cannot stress over what others think (which I was doing). Little Man is still firmly a Mommy’s boy even if we try to make him somewhat a Daddy’s boy and Little Diva has her preferences and she will let you know who she wants and does not want. There are days where I still feel like I am babysitting but those are getting fewer and farther in between and on those days Daddy has learned that I will need to do something JUST me even if it is just on a different level of the house. I have learned that on those days getting out with them helps even if it is just to walk around the mall, unless Little Man is screaming bloody murder. We have a schedule throughout the week that I do everything in my power to stick to but on the weekends no matter what I do that schedule seems to go out the window (I think Daddy has something to do with that) and they are not always pretty to be around when the schedule is out of whack (ask Grandma, Papa and Aunt Allie who stopped by tonight and got to hear Little Man scream and see Little Diva do the arch my back trick). As for me (and Daddy) we have learned that for the most part we cannot reason with them yet - but for some strange reason we still try. I love to play with them and they love to play with others. We have learned a few things that can distract them when they need it - such as the music from the Clubhouse Disney shows (actually most music in general); loud, noisy toys or one of us making funny faces. Little Diva NEVER sleeps past 8 am and then must wake the rest of the bed up and Little Man is never asleep before 8 pm usually not before 9 pm even though he takes the shorter nap (on occasion he only takes one nap). Little Diva eats everything and could care less where Little Man refuses turkey and a few other items but will eat many other things. Little Man chews his food the recommended 44 times (who told him about this) and Little Diva inhales her food and eats two times what her brother does, though we are not sure where she puts it. And no matter what we love them more than life itself and barely remember what life was like prior to “the twins.”

I know I just stated a lot of facts about Little Diva and Little Man but that is what the attachment process is - learning about each other and we are still learning but I bet if they could talk (and type) they would tell you all they have learned about us such as Daddy is the easy one - he usually will give in but with Mommy she rarely gives in and will keep to what she says (even if the result is very loud screaming from said child). They would say that we feed them three meals a day and a few snacks. We love to cuddle with them and kiss on them. We usually come running when they are screaming even if we do not pick them up just to say that we are there and we love them. They would probably tell you that one or both of us can get just as frustrated as they do when we cannot figure out what the problem is as well or if they are not listen to us (we are working on this one). The funniest thing they would probably tell you is that Mommy tries to tell Daddy how to do things and Daddy does not listen (this was happening long before they came along) even if it would help Daddy and sometimes Daddy surprises Mommy by not doing what she says and what he does works too…I am pretty sure they laugh at us regularly about this. I know they laugh when we have gas - probably because we laugh when they have gas issues!

Part of me feels like this process is similar to dating only you have already chosen the person and you do not have the ability to change now - so I guess kind of how I assume an arranged marriage would be. There is a massive learning curve - and sometimes when you think you have it figured out you really don’t and you must start over. I know that we had to scrap the personalities we originally thought the twins had and are now seeing them in their true personalities. At first everyone is trying to put their best foot forward, and then when the bad starts it is REALLY bad initially and it can get worse before it gets better, but eventually it does get better and while things can still be bad sometimes better is where it is headed. And like with dating and marriage, you learn new things all the time (or at least I think you do), so the attachment process is never ending. This process was so hard in the beginning as we didn’t know them and they didn’t know us - but now we are starting to learn, it is still hard but still happening. Thanks for hanging in there with us and continuing to hang in there with us!